So I had another birthday. I know. Shocking. 358 days until the big 3-0.
When I was twenty what did I think my life would look like as I approached thirty?
Living in Alaska?
I came up to Alaska for my internship at Zion. I figured I could go anywhere for a year. Then I was asked to stay, met Andy, got married, bought a house, got a dog, had a baby… and 6 years later, here we are.
Working in a church?
Yes. But I had no idea what I was getting into. I’ve learned a lot of things in the past 6 years about the church. I’ve seen how a community of people can love and care for one another. I’ve seen how church family can replace blood relatives when you live 3,000 miles away. I’ve seen how God works through the church to reach into lives of people who need to see Jesus. That’s good stuff. I’ve also learned that things are not as easy as I thought they’d be. I thought helping people grow in faith was going to be something that everyone would be excited about. We would put our heads together and come up with amazing and creative ideas that the whole congregation would essentially stand up and cheer for. Everyone would be committed to growing in faith and teaching their children. God would move mountains.
I believe that God can move mountains… but WOW… it hasn’t been exactly what I thought it would be. Maybe God is moving the mountains an inch at a time. I can live with that, it just isn’t what I expected.
Married with a son?
I still wake up in the morning and look around and think… HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?! How did I jump from being 18 and ready to head off to art school (whoa, that’s an entirely different story for another day)– to being a real, live GROWN UP?! I have no idea. I seriously walk around our house and think, I own a house? I’m married? Holy crap! I have a kid! Who approved this?!
Don’t get me wrong– I love my life. I really do. I love my house. I love my husband. I love being a mom. I love my son. It’s just hard for me to believe that this is my life. I thought it would have taken a lot more strategic planning or at least some forms to fill out. It just sort of happened. In the past ten years… I grew up. You have no idea how much that freaks me out! I sometimes feel like the same girl who cut her hair waaaay too short and was constantly overdrawing her checking account. I feel like the girl on the bus in Minneapolis, waiting for my stop. I feel like the girl who gave up and finally decided to “co-exist” with the mouse in her first apartment. I don’t feel like the grown woman who has real responsibilities and a family of her very own. But I do. And it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.
Writing a blog now and then?
I had never really considered myself someone who particularly likes to write. I would bang out 10 page papers in college at light-speed rates, but I wasn’t careful about what I wrote. I wasn’t precise. I didn’t think of writing like a craft or an art. And I still don’t. I can’t wrap my brain around that. And if I approached it that way, you’d never get any updates from me. I would be editing and perfecting and obsessing for weeks before I would dare hit that terrifying “publish” button. So this is what you get, my endless drivel. Sorry, folks.
Having a [very] amateur cupcake business?
At twenty I was learning how to brown ground beef and make perfect Hamburger Helper. At (almost) thirty, I would like to think that my culinary skills have improved. I looooooove to bake. I think I get that from my mom. She’s diabetic, but would always make delicious baked goodies for the rest of us. She always took pride in a good recipe. I think I’ve taken that to the extreme. I refuse to share with anyone where I found the recipe for butter cream. I am sure its not a secret, but I like the idea that people think I am the exclusive source. It’s really all about protecting my own fragile ego.
358 days. Bring it on.