Are you content? I think there are some people who just have more contented personalities. I, however, am not one of those people. I know that we all at some time or another feel like we want something more or better. I’ve always thought of myself as a person who dreams big dreams– but I’m seeing how that can sort of get in my way.
It’s infuriating. I have a great life! I really do. I have more good things in my life than bad things. But those few “bad” things become the things I obsess over.
BUT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT ALL THE AWESOME STUFF?
How I live in America and my husband and I both have jobs? How we live in a highly efficient home that stays warm in Alaska? How I have friends who encourage me and make me laugh? How I am typing this entry on my sweet new tiny computer? How I made homemade pretzels, pizza dough, and cinnamon rolls (SUCCESSFULLY) this week? How I’m excited because my sister is getting married this summer and I get to be a part of that?
But why is it that the one crappy email that I got this week is sticking with me? Why am I unhappy that we haven’t put up a fence in the back yard? Why (WHY?!) am I wanting a new puppy? Why do I look at how much cheaper houses are in the rest of the country?
It’s a part of me. I’ve always been that way. I’m trying hard to step outside of my childish “BUT I WAAAAAAAANT IT” and really survey the good stuff. Because it’s there. And there’s lots of it.
And I hate knowing that I’ve been ungrateful. I have always been a slacker when it comes to Thank You’s. It’s not that I am not grateful to the person who has given me something. I am just forgetful. I remember relatives hassling my mom if I would forget to send a thank you note. That was a terrible feeling. Then I would always send the card after they mentioned it and it seemed like it meant less. It was forced.
My hope is that I can be more proactive about giving thanks to God for the good stuff in my life. I don’t want it to wait until heaven when we sit down and talk about my life and he reminds me of all the great stuff and I say, “Oh yeah, I remember that! Thanks for that. And that. Oh, and that…” I want to give the note right away, because I know how awesome those gifts are. Because I am so thankful.
Because I can’t not be grateful.