An Abomination.

I just sent in an RSVP for a party. On the bottom of this invitation it says, “This is a formal affair”.

FORMAL. I haven’t even thought of such things since high school prom. Scratch that… I’ve been a bridesmaid a time or two since then. At least when you are a bridesmaid your dress is already picked. I didn’t have a choice. Which, in my book, is fantastic. I am not a fan of shopping for dresses (or the ridiculous amounts of supportive gear that goes underneath them). This is mostly because I hardly ever find dresses that fit. This brings me to my point.

As many of you already know, I am a rather substantially sized woman. However, I am NOT plus-sized-and-proud, like so many women on Jerry Springer or  ComedyCentral. This means, that there are few stores in the WORLD that supply clothes that fit me well.

I was perusing one of my favorite store’s website earlier. I like this store because [most of the time] they don’t take clothes that pocket-sized, 17 year old cheerleaders would wear and just make them bigger [I’m looking at you, Old Navy!]. They actually reshape their jeans and whatever so that they will cover women’s butt cracks. Amazing concept.

I was clicking through the website and decided I should see if they might have something for this party that is only a few weeks away. I click on the “social occasion” tab and the very first thing that pops up is “WIDE LEG VELOUR PANTS” (with an elastic waist, of course)!

Please tell me– what occasion is appropriate for velour pants? Shopping at the dollar store? Buying false eyelashes at WalMart? Getting a weave? Getting your nails did?

Ladies and gentlemen… velour pants are just wrong. I don’t care if you are JLo– they are still wrong. But they are even wronger (yes, it’s a word- ask Kanye) if you are large-and-in-charge. Who needs pants that are elastic, clingy AND fuzzy?

Needless to say, I will not be purchasing this fine suggestion for formal wear. I am thinking about a nice tea length black dress with a beaded belt… and  a shrug. My bare arms are just something the world doesn’t need to see.


1 Comment

Filed under Life, Rants

One response to “An Abomination.

  1. Donna

    We share the same wardrobe challenges and perceptions of what’s available. Thanks for providing the words to add some humor to the situation! I love your writing!

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