Misguided Adventures in Parenting

Elliot is almost 17 months old. In non-parent language… he’s one. I never understood counting the days, weeks, and months of a child’s life until I had one of my own. The difference between 13 months and 23 months can mean diapers or no diapers… specificity is crucial!

I’ve had 17 months to collect some pretty incredible moments of sheer horror, embarrassment and insanity. I suppose there have been some good things in there as well, but they just aren’t as entertaining.

Lessons I’ve Learned

1. Do not wear a long scarf while changing a diaper. You see, disposable diapers have this nifty Velcro on the tabs that likes to stick to said long scarf… adding a really fragrant accessory to any outfit.

2. youTube videos are my solution of choice for a child who will not be still during a diaper change. Go ahead… call protective services… I know. But this one is a favorite.

3. I can take a shower, put on make-up, fix my hair, and get dressed in 13 minutes from the moment I hear the first whimper from E’s bedroom. I am impressed with myself. Why did it used to take me at least a half hour? Because I wasn’t motivated by the shrieks of a child who needs his breakfast NOW.

4. Babies are curious little creatures. They just want to touch and feel and explore everything. This is why I strongly believe a baby’s hands MUST be occupied during diaper changes. I’ve learned the hard way and it sounds like this, “OH MY LORD HAVE MERCY– IT’S EVERYWHERE!”

5. I am completely surprised at how happy I am to spend time at home. The pre-motherhood Tia always assumed that a night at home meant that you didn’t have any plans- and therefore- sucked.  Now I find myself really looking forward to moments at home with no agenda.

6. I cannot control how much I talk about poop. I’m sorry. It’s become a big part of my life, like it or not.

7. When I see babies on TV shows that are alone and crying in a dark alley (Law & Order– I’m looking at you!) I get all emotional, “Someone please just pick up that baby and snuggle him!”

8. I know why people shake their children. It’s because their son looks up at them sweetly, with a mouthful of spaghetti-o’s, and without breaking eye contact, opens his mouth and lets the o’s drip down onto his shirt. The only thing that saves his life at this moment is the giant belly laugh that erupts from his little body… he thinks he’s so hilarious.

9. Word of Advice: When your dog licks your child do not say, “Awww, he’s giving you kisses.” We now have a 17 month old who ravenously tries to french kiss everyone he gets close to. On several occasions I’ve walked into ferocious baby/dog make-out sessions. GAG. And it’s our own fault. Crap.

In conclusion, being a mom is the best job I’ve ever had. Except maybe at the pizza place… free bread sticks… no… being a mom. Definitely. Best job ever.

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3 Comments

Filed under Life

3 responses to “Misguided Adventures in Parenting

  1. Michelle Waddle

    Hi Tia,
    I don’t know if you remember me, but I knew Jon Hohle through my husband at MSOE. Every once in a while I peak at your blog. Well I just looked this morning and I had to leave you a comment.

    We have a 14 month old son now – first everything you said 100% completely true… I had to giggle at how so true it is.

    But the youtube videos for diaper changes, I thought I was the only one!! I’m so glad to hear its not just me. I always find the pug licking the glass to be a good one (http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf).

    Hope you guys are well and Congrats on the beautiful little boy!
    ~Michelle Waddle

  2. Tia

    Michelle! Of course I remember. 14 months! How exciting. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT VIDEO– it might be my favorite now.
    I hope you guys are doing well. Thanks for the comment… sometimes I wonder if anybody’s out there. 🙂

  3. holeinhead

    first of all the make out session with the dog…hilarious:) but also, i’m in a losing battle when it comes to keeping isaac’s hands occupied during a diaper change since his father claims “thats what boys do! he has to explore!” are you kidding me!? disgusting that’s all i have to say

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