A friend of mine just shared an awesome story about the awkwardness of first dates on her blog, and it made me think of awkward firsts. Immediately my attention is directed toward my husband. He is not necessarily an awkward person. He is also by no means smooth. However, the combination of us both is just absolutely ridiculous. Awkward incarnate.
Andy and I started dating while I was interning at Zion. We had gone on a few real dates and had spent some good time together. One night he came over to my apartment that was furnished a la 1976– crushed velvet couches, harvest gold appliances, big brass lamps– and we rented a movie. I know, I know, in college coming over to “watch movies” had nothing to do with actually watching movies, but this time we really did watch a movie- I promise.
Then it was getting late and we were sitting on the couch talking. And talking. And talking. I knew that he was going to try to kiss me when he left, so to prolong that painfully awkward moment I just kept talking; and so did he. It was now well past midnight. We both had to work the next day. Still, neither of us made a move towards the door. By this time we both knew that it will have to happen, but when?
Finally I tell him he has to go home so we can both get some sleep. He walks to the door, I walk behind him. He turns towards me and leans forward as my arm reaches up to his shoulder, my elbow locks, my face turns away and a low, “Ohhhhhhh noooooooooooo” comes out of my mouth.
I not only blocked his body with my arm, I gave him the cheek, AND verbally denied him. Ouch. I saw the utter confusion on his face as he said, “Well, I’ll see you around” and walked out the door. As soon as the door closed behind him I was flung into a state of panic. WHY HAD I DONE IT?! I actually liked him. I even wanted to kiss him! However, I let my nerves get the best of me. When I am nervous I cannot be held accountable for my own actions, I have no control.
The worst part of the story. Andy called me the next morning. He sounded a little distraught. He was worried that he had done something wrong. He said he had hardly slept at all. So then I had to explain to him that my behavior was totally crazy and that I was just really nervous. My end of the conversation went something like this,
“I am so sorry for what I did last night. I just got really nervous and I kind of freaked out. It’s been a long time since I had a first kiss with someone without being a little inebriated.”
(Not that I’ve had lots of first kisses anyways…)
And even worse… when our first kiss finally came he looked at me and said, “Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Grrrrr… How embarrassing.