Deep Breath.

Exhale.

Okay… today has been a pretty roller-coaster like day. I woke up this morning forgetting that today I am supposed to do my 6 month evaluation with Pastor K. YIKES! I am supposed to prepare 6 questions for evaluation. CRAP! So I shuffle into work at 9:15 and work on my 6 questions. I’d like to share them with you…

In the last 6 months…
1. What have you learned?
2. What have been your disappointments & frustrations?
3. What has surprised you?
4. What’s going well? (YEA GOD!)
5. How has the support been from your ministry team?
6. What limits your success?

I really dreaded this evaluation. The past six months have been tough for me. I made some stupid choices and have been trying to get over some insecurities that get in the way of ministry. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty. Overall, it was good. I cried (dang, I always do that). I didn’t cry when my pastor told me that I had some issues or when he said I needed to work on recruiting volunteers. I cried when he told me I am gifted and a rare mix of qualities that our staff needs. I cried. Not because I was happy. Not because I love to hear it. I have been thinking all afternoon… why did that make me cry? Don’t I believe him? I know in my head that I am gifted, that I can do my job, that I have what it takes. I know those things… Right?

I hope so. I just got through telling a friend last night that God has given her so many gifts. That she is a necessary part of the church. That her mix of experience, personality, and gifts make her totally unique. I told her that God will give her everything that she needs to do what He needs her to do. I believe that He will. I believe He’ll give her more than that. Do I believe it for myself? I guess I feel like a hypocrite. Sheesh, Tia, take your own advice!

May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word. – 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Deep Breath.

  1. Lindsey

    You are not alone. It is easy to see the goodness and ability in others, but when i feel like I am not doing my job like I could be or like others are doing I get really bent out of shape.
    Have you re-read “Your first 2 years in Youth ministry” lately. It is my current reminder of how we are all in this same boat…navigating the wide river of Youth Min.

  2. Jayme

    i agree with lindsey…you’re not alone in this. i cried on the phone for like an hour with my brother last friday when he started telling me about Christ being my strength, about Christ being the one who carries us through and that i don’t have to be strong…
    I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are so hard on ourselves and then when we receive grace in the most unexpected places…the people we are trying to “impress” with our “success”… our souls gush…we think “man, that’s good to hear” tinged with a lot of “i wish i heard it more”…
    it’s almost like our insides are so beat up from ourselves that when someone else is careful, tender, and encouraging to them it’s like being rescued…”okay maybe i’m not as hopeless as i thought”….sorry i rambled and maybe it doesn’t hit home at all but i know that my heart needed to be cared for at that time and i wasn’t doing a very good job of it and that is what broke me down…to finally have someone lift me up.
    “We proclaim Him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all HIS energy, which so powerfully works in me.” Colossians 1:28-29

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